Friday, November 28, 2008


I notice that I've had a lot more nervous energy the last couple months. Since I started exercising, I even catch myself having the bizarre desire to just cut loose and run laps around the yard or around the block. I have never liked to run. Except perhaps when I was really young and I wasn't in a competition with anyone. I thought I was fast when I was 6 but always came in last on track and field day, this did not feed my desire to run, but rather squashed my confidence a bit. I think I liked to run because it felt like flying, and somewhere deep inside me I've always longed for that feeling of flying...the wind blowing in my face, the beauty of the world from far away, the exhilaration and the freedom it could bring.
So I'm not sure if it's adrenaline or what that would provoke the desire to run within me. Maybe it's just that I'm still trying to rediscover myself. And that part of me that longs for that feeling is surfacing. Maybe I would like to run, with no one watching, where I could just be myself, never in a race, but just for me.

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